i feel so tired and shagged this week~~~OMG!? cant believe i am getting older each day! but i think the main reason why i was so tired was due to the late nights chionging BOF episodes. hahx! and i finished the whole series on thursday man! and i am feeling so proud of my achievement.XD i really like this drama, compared to jap and taiwan versions, the story for the korean version was smoother in flow and the songs used are much nicer compared to the rest. and i haf been addicted to the OST songs since last week!! all in all, the drama and ost are really very good! worth watching and listening to!!!

anyway, i went for pre-camp for cor'09 today! and i think the pre-camp was not as xiong as i expected it to be. the games were mild and friendly type, there isnt much competition between grps. the hearing-impaired were also very nice and friendly towards us, their patience to watch us sign the words we wanna say, really made me kinda touched. and i enjoyed song-signing! super super fun man!..woohoo~~(but i nid to practise everyday to ensure smoothness in signing)

a little update abt my current life...


woke up at 830am to go sentosa with cca peeps on sunday. wanted to reach there early to chope places at the beach but ended up we took a very long time to buy the snacks. lucily, we still managed to get a good place with a pavilion in the end. hahax. =) played frisbee and captain's ball at sentosa. most imptly, we played without slippers, and the sand is really super super heated up! XP i guess none of us could actually stand still at any particular spot coz our feet were like literally 'being burnt'. but i guess it's a good massage for our feet? maybe can get rid of dead tissues man! wahaha~~~

recently, have been watching boys over flowers and i am crazy over lee minho and kim hyun joong. XD i think jihoo is such a loyal friend and a devoted lover, making sacrifices and being there for jandi all the time. he is really a 'fireman' in jandi's heart and jandi is sooooo lucky to have such a 'perfect' soulmate! i really wished there was such a nice guy in reality! =D but more often than not reality is always different, so WAKE UP, ELAINE!!! *stop dreaming!*

i am feeling mentally tired. i really feel like giving up this time, i really mean it. but there's still a force in me telling me to push on and to persevere till the end. and i hate myself for being a weakling.

are results that impt? i told myself no, although they mean sth they arent everything. i tried to persuade and comfort myself for my lousy grades last sem. but for once, i realise hard work dun actually gives u the expected results. den why work hard in the first place? so that i can say i didnt regret trying? haix. i feel so conflicting now. it's over now, and i screwed up my year one when it's the easiest time to score. but i feel that i have let my parents down, why cant i just do well if not for myself but for them. i am willing to trade a few years of my life to just graduate with good results. i really mean it. i miss my grandpa~~~i missed his encouragement and company. he has always been my strength to push on and to do my best for everything i am involved in all these years. how i wish u could wait till i graduate...

den next is hall application. which i think is becoming more insignificant as compared to anything now. i dun mind not staying hall anymore. without hall activities, i might be happier and more focused. at least i have more time for myself, my family and friends. and i dun have to force myself to talk to hall ppl and get myself involved in hall stuff. staying in hall will only allow me to see more of the uglier side of humans. perhaps i am just trying my best to escape from all these 'imperfections' in life. i choose to believe that humans are simple creatures who are 'feeling' and 'real' when it comes to expressing themselves, without any facade and complexity. anyway, i think i will be much happier without hall life. but i guess i will miss xing&strum and some of the memories i had...=)

i guess this song best describes what i am feeling now..(i mean the title)


妥协 - 蔡依林
你总爱编织谎言
我负责配合表演
所有改变 只为了进入你的世界
这情节 重复了一百遍
才发现 是你的心太远

你划定楚河汉界
我不能轻易犯规
所有时间 都是先给了你优先权
不自觉 爱到不敢冒险
成了你的傀儡一年两年
才看见我有多狼狈

爱到妥协 到头来还是误解
抱着你 不让你飞
历史不断重演 我好累
爱到妥协 也无法将故事再重现
你也想退后一点 我躲在我的世界

你划定楚河汉界
我不能轻易犯规
所有时间 都是先给了你优先权
不自觉 爱到不敢冒险
成了你的傀儡一年两年
才看见我有多狼狈

爱到妥协 到头来还是误解
抱着你 不让你飞
历史不断重演 我好累
爱到妥协 也无法将故事再重现
你也想退后一点 我躲在我的世界

你只是害怕一个人睡
我不想再为你掉泪
我了解 不会再仍在徘徊
开始自己的明天

爱到妥协 到头来还是误解
抱着你 不让你飞
历史不断重演 我好累
爱到妥协 也无法将故事再重现
你也想退后一点 我躲在我的世界

i am falling sick. haix! my body is telling me that it's time to get some good rest. hahax.

i am tired of having so much to do. haix. why must i have so much commitments??? =X

i just woke up from my 12hrs deep sleep. hahaXP and i was woken up by mummy to eat lunch! guess my weariness has been accumulating since e start of last sem. and i think no longer how much i sleep now, there's little effect to clearing the sleeping deficit! =X


and i did sth which i think it would be be a tough challenge but yet a good learning experience yesterday! initially, i went down for the elders cca thinking it would be a rally for the election of committee members and thinking i was running for biz mag. but when i reached, the seniors were quite 'depressed' coz i heard only 2posts are being contested. haix. then seeing the seniors going ard to persuade the juniors to run, i can feel that they are really desperate bah. haix. so in the end, i got persuaded by the coordinator(chairperson) to run for his post lo. dunno what's the voting outcome, i am worried+scared+unconfident. so much mixed feelings, but i told myself, if i really get this post, i will learn and do my best. not only for myself, the committee and also the elderly. *prays*

okok, enuff of my complaints! i am addicted to the korean boys over flowers ever since i watched the first ep on channel u yesterday. hahax. and i think the guys are generally quite good-looking as compared to taiwan and jap ones. and i think Jun Pyo(dao ming si) and Yi Jung(ximen) are very shuai! hahax. XD

it's finally saturday le! woohoo~~~ have been looking forward to the weekends ever since i started work.

but i think this is so far the one of the best working places i have been to. coz the people are really nice! the perm staff was pestering me to walk ard the office to take a break or go down to the canteen to buy snacks. she thinks i am stuck to the chair for too long. and she always asks me to pack up at 5.27pm when we end at 5.30pm. cool rite? i think this job is relaxed but just abit mundane. and today, i had a taste of one of the japanese green tea dessert prepared by the chefs. really damn nice! coz got alot of other stuff inside like red bean, mochi, green tea paste cake and cornflakes! *yum yum yum* =D i wanna visit the kitchen soon. and i still remembered the boss told me he gained 6kg since he joined this company. hahax. probably too much sampling and good food already.

anyway, i have decided to run for the position of business manager position in my cca. and the rally is today but didnt prepare anything coz only got 3 questions to answer. *lazy* i think i will think of the answers today morning? hahax. but i see little chance of getting it coz got other ppl running for it oso. i will just do my best for the rally and if i get the position, den that's pure luck! haax.=)

kinda disappointed with how the amz outing are screwed up. haix. why cant all make it just for one outing lei? i am kinda getting tired to persuade ppl to go. so hopefully, u gals can make it when i organize the upcoming ones k? currently, i am thinking off bbq session cum chalet, cycling (since we didnt get to cycle), ktv trip, flyer and dinner/lunch. i will email/sms the details when i noe hu's free and hu's not k? =)

after what happened on sunday, friends have been asking abt my emo blog posts and sms-ing/msn-ing me to encourage me. i am here to announce my current recovery status: 8 out of 10. (1 up from yesterday!) =) this event also made me realised the importance of friendship when i needed their 'shelter' and their support to tide through this miserable period. so i wanna thank naima(for being there all the time to encourage and cheer up ur nainv!), amz gals(chan,minsi,cindy,sarah), yichen(ur 'differing' advice and love!), michelle(my 'meimei' for being my listener and chuqitong=X). u gals really made me stronger and i guess that's one of the reason why i recovered so quickly this time!!! =)

so next time, when any of u needs my help, a listening ear or whatsoever, as long as it is within my means just tell me ok? i will be more than willing to help. and even if it's sth that is beyond my reach, i promise to try to at least do what i can to make u feel better. =) i will always be there for u just like u gals have been here for me when i needed u! just wanna say...I LOVE U ALL!!

today was the first day of my work. and it turned out to be not that bad coz the ppl there are very friendly. and the most amazing thing was that the temp who had worked with me at ocbc was here again. so qiao rite? and the happiest thing is that i wont have to eat lunch alone! =) whee~~~ time passed very quickly today, and the work was quite manageable perhaps only abit tedious? but i liked the environment alot, coz it's very family-liked, relaxed and u can do ur stuff at ur own pace. and i looking forward to visiting the kitchen to see how the chefs actually prepare the food. cool man!

anyway, my recovery status is 7 out of 10. and i am feeling happy today and not thinking abt unnecessary stuff coz cca stuff are currently occupying my mind now!!! XP

back to blog again. i am feeling much better today, guess it's because i spent the whole day going out with my beloved sis and my amz clique. the laughing, the suan-ing, the cam-whoring really made me felt much better. thanks alot gals! and seeing myself behaving abit sort sort de, i began to see the old self that was missing for so long. guess i am recovering at a much faster rate than i really expected. *pats head* and good job to myself! hahax.

anyway, i was actually supposed to start work at expo tmr for a temptaking position. but the agent called to tell me the job was cancelled since swine flu was more or less 'subsiding'. so i thought for a moment i was unemployed again, then when i thought i could slack for a few more days. another agent called to ask if i was interested to work for a temp position at SATS area but i will have to start work immediately. so i said ok, then i was so 'lucky' that i got shortlisted and i have to start work tmr. haix. is this just my fate to actually start work tmr? hahax. but luckily my work ends at 530pm everyday, so i can still meet my friends for dinner after that. whee~~~

anyway, we were planning to have an overnight stay at minsi's house this friday! looking fwd to it coz we can finally talk all night. yeah!

昨晚看到你的简讯，我终于忍不住哭了。哭是因为我发现我的直觉是对的, 是因为我们之间也不可能了。你说的没错，当一个男人为一段感情落泪时，这表示他真的有爱过这个女生，可是当一个女人为一段感情落泪时，这表示她累了，她放弃了。我想我应该是时候把你忘了，就算忘不了，我也会试着去不想你，至少我左边的伤口会复原得比较快吧。可能你真的不是那个我在找的对的人...

我想这件事真的拖太久了，如果我早一点放手，我可能就不会那么心痛了吧？"这段感情早就应该放弃，早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹..."， 真的真的形容得好贴切哦。从心动到心痛，最后心也疲倦了。=(

歌手：梦飞船 专辑：梦飞船
歌词：歌曲:不值得歌手:梦飞船
除了想你 除了爱你
hu ~ 我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记 整理心情
hu ~ 我真的真的想放弃
你始终没有爱过
你在敷衍我
一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心
无力继续
这感情 不值得我犹豫
不值得我考虑
不值得我爱过你
这种回忆 不值得我提起
不值得想起
不值得哭泣
这段感情 早就应该放弃
早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你 不值得我恨你
不值得我为你而坏了心情
我决定不为你而毁了心
放弃爱你
除了想你 除了爱你
hu ~ 我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记 打开心情
hu ~ 我真的真的想放弃
你始终没有爱过
你在敷衍我
一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心
无力继续
这感情 不值得我犹豫
不值得我考虑
不值得我爱过你
这种回忆 不值得我提起
不值得想起
不值得哭泣
这段感情 早就应该放弃
早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你 不值得我恨你
不值得我为你而坏了心情
我决定不为你而毁了心
不为你而放弃爱情
不为你而毁了心
我决定不为你而毁了心
放弃爱你

hmm...i shall make this a very long post since i most of my previous few posts were quite short. haax...=D

with regards to the previous post, i am feeling much better now. so wanna thank those hu have asked abt it, i am fine now! really k? so dun worry too much. i promise i will just take one step at a time. =)

shall update abt myself for the whole of this week. so here it goes...

on monday, i ended my 2-days temp job at tampines ocbc centre. and i am really glad it ended coz it's really tiring to actually put ur right hand on the keyboard and typing nos. non-stop for 6hrs in a row! and my hand ended up having muscleache after all the typing. and the pay is really too little for the tedious and taxing work i have to do. so i promise not to return to the company even if they want me to come down again. hahx.

on tuesday, i thought i could nua at home and just go jogging. but tadah, i ended up having to go for a job interview at orchard's shaw centre in the afternoon. it was an admin job and the interview turned out to be a casual talking session with the boss with us discussing over uni stuffs for the whole 15mins. she's a really nice person, but well i didnt manage to get the job offer bcoz i could only commit for 3mths and she needed a person hu could work for more than 3 mths. after that, went tamp1 and had dinner with a friend b4 meeting 2 financial agents who were bugging me to buy the insurance plans. i guess i really need to think of a way to reject them straight away since my dad is also not in favour of me buying the insurance! =X

on wednesday, went out with minsi and lizard since he was giving us a treat. we went to yuki yaki and i felt really bloated after the meal.think i will never really enjoy eating buffet since i have gastric problems and it's not very good to actually stuff my stomach with so much food for just 1 meal. i guess i still prefer eating ala carte. hahax. walked ard suntec after that before catching the movie - Horsemen, which i felt was a disturbing movie with lots of gore of the hooking scenes. and i simply felt it shldn't be a NC16 movie but an M18 one! i was kinda 'traumatised' after the movie although i thought the ending was really quite sad.

on thursday, went to $10 ktv@chinatown to sing ktv with naima,mama,ganma,dajie and mingwei. enjoyed myself alot that day and talking with u gals just makes me feel freed of all troubles. lalalala~~~let's plan the beach outing soon these few weeks, coz i cant wait to go cycling! had dinner with the gals at maxwell that day, and naima was like lost for words coz we were ganging up to 'bully' her since her alliance wasn't ard. wahaha. XD i did a mini collage of the some of the photos we took that day.

then yesterday, was the first time in this week i reached home before 8pm. hahax. went out with meiying in the morning to recruit xpress at tamp before meeting up with chan and mich for movie at cineleisure. went to central for late lunch before going iluma to walk. and i was being laughed at for my stm and ltm loss, coz i cant remember the names of the characters and story plots for x-men and i told them i was confused between x-men and hellboy. and i think they buay tahan me and my memory. hahax. sorry la, my memory really cant remember all these 'details' de. =P

as for today, went for elders session and the home was kinda quiet with few elderly. so didnt really talked much to the elderly today but ended up watching channel 5 movies with the elderly. so slack! oops.=P and tonight, celebrating my grandma's bdae plus early mother's day celebration and tonight i have to continue to work on the present so that my masterpiece will be ready by tmr. so i guess today will be a late night again..

原本以为已经放手了，为什么心里还是会隐隐作痛呢？

嘴里说着我放手了，心里却还是依依不舍。为什么我还在期待你会发现这一切？

第一次，我感觉我已经越陷越深了...=(

woohoo~~~today is a brand new day! dragged myself out of bed today to go running. luckily i didnt really find too breathless which means my stamina still haven drop too much yet. muahaha=) gonna go running this thurs again, shall run every alternate days. and i feel really not so nua after running which is good! =D

called the recruit express agent to confirm my interview and it turned out to be really HAVE! i thought i can rot at home today. later still must bathe and wear formal for interview. OMG! the weather is like so HOT! i am not harbouring any hopes of getting the job, so i shall just go for the interview since my agent was kind to arrange one for me. =)

and i did this collage just now. coz i was bored! =X

hmm..today was an unbearable day for me, partly becoz of work but oso some personal stuff that is making me kinda tired.

luckily a talk with some friends made me realise the importance of their friendship which made me wanna treasure them even more, and at the same time it's like getting a heavy load over my chest. i am glad i am feeling better now.=) although i am not sure how long this wound would take to recover, i hope it wont take long. coz i wanna be a happy person once again!

sometimes, i really wonder if me and my best friend were to fall for the same guy what course of action should i take? in the past, i would probably ask the guy to make a decision between us but now i guess i will just walk out of this love triangle? coz i would really want my friend and the guy i loved to be happy even though i am the one to be sacrificed. i just dun want them to be the one to get hurt. =( (random thought)

one day, while i was busy sending resumes to the different companies, sth random crossed my mind which made me reflect on what i really want in life. in the past, i worked hard for myself and for my parents. and these hav always been crucial pushing factors that made me perservered on from secondary sch yrs till now. but suddenly, these factors seem to have lost their 'strength', and i am trying to find better sources of motivation to make me carry on. and it's kinda upsetting to realise that u have got no more motivation to do things u once enjoyed doing or duties u are assigned to. (another random thought)

i guess this is a super random post. =X

last week was so shagged ever since i went for the job on thurs! =X

although the work is one that requires little brainwork, but it requires ALOT of typing work. i turned up for work at 10am and b4 i went up to the company, have to take temperature first. upon reaching, i met a new temp staff so i didnt feel that foreign to the new working environment. afterwhich, i was sitted beside a perm staff hu was like my 'teacher' for the day, coz he was monitoring my work for the whole day. but he's a nice person, and my sixth sense tells me that he's around our age coz he looks young. haha=D reported for work @ 10am den went for lunch @ 1130am, after which stared at the comp till 7pm! my eyes and hands were like paralysed after the typing and staring at the comp. luckily tmr is my last day!!! XP

den i went out with on fri and sat. and i missed dinner with my family for two consecutive days! feel so bad about this coz i have promised my parents to eat with them b4 i left home for both days but msg-ed them to tell them i am eating outside to accompany my friends. plus i reached home ard 1140pm yesterday, and my dad gave me 6 missed calls while my mum called me twice plus msg-ed me to ask where i was. and when i reached home, my dad still asked if i wanted to eat the dessert that he left for me. haixhaix~~i am so glad that i have such sweet parents but at the same time i felt that i am such an unfilial daughter! =X

as for today, i went ecp with mama and had a good talk with her while taking a stroll down ecp. managed to meet up with her after such a long time, and also updated her on my life plus get to know more abt her updates too. but i am still persuading her to go ktv on thurs, hopefully i can succeed man! hahax...

that's all for the day! shall update again soon~~~NITEX! =)