i am feeling mentally tired. i really feel like giving up this time, i really mean it. but there's still a force in me telling me to push on and to persevere till the end. and i hate myself for being a weakling.

are results that impt? i told myself no, although they mean sth they arent everything. i tried to persuade and comfort myself for my lousy grades last sem. but for once, i realise hard work dun actually gives u the expected results. den why work hard in the first place? so that i can say i didnt regret trying? haix. i feel so conflicting now. it's over now, and i screwed up my year one when it's the easiest time to score. but i feel that i have let my parents down, why cant i just do well if not for myself but for them. i am willing to trade a few years of my life to just graduate with good results. i really mean it. i miss my grandpa~~~i missed his encouragement and company. he has always been my strength to push on and to do my best for everything i am involved in all these years. how i wish u could wait till i graduate...

den next is hall application. which i think is becoming more insignificant as compared to anything now. i dun mind not staying hall anymore. without hall activities, i might be happier and more focused. at least i have more time for myself, my family and friends. and i dun have to force myself to talk to hall ppl and get myself involved in hall stuff. staying in hall will only allow me to see more of the uglier side of humans. perhaps i am just trying my best to escape from all these 'imperfections' in life. i choose to believe that humans are simple creatures who are 'feeling' and 'real' when it comes to expressing themselves, without any facade and complexity. anyway, i think i will be much happier without hall life. but i guess i will miss xing&strum and some of the memories i had...=)

i guess this song best describes what i am feeling now..(i mean the title)


妥协 - 蔡依林
你总爱编织谎言
我负责配合表演
所有改变 只为了进入你的世界
这情节 重复了一百遍
才发现 是你的心太远

你划定楚河汉界
我不能轻易犯规
所有时间 都是先给了你优先权
不自觉 爱到不敢冒险
成了你的傀儡一年两年
才看见我有多狼狈

爱到妥协 到头来还是误解
抱着你 不让你飞
历史不断重演 我好累
爱到妥协 也无法将故事再重现
你也想退后一点 我躲在我的世界

你划定楚河汉界
我不能轻易犯规
所有时间 都是先给了你优先权
不自觉 爱到不敢冒险
成了你的傀儡一年两年
才看见我有多狼狈

爱到妥协 到头来还是误解
抱着你 不让你飞
历史不断重演 我好累
爱到妥协 也无法将故事再重现
你也想退后一点 我躲在我的世界

你只是害怕一个人睡
我不想再为你掉泪
我了解 不会再仍在徘徊
开始自己的明天

爱到妥协 到头来还是误解
抱着你 不让你飞
历史不断重演 我好累
爱到妥协 也无法将故事再重现
你也想退后一点 我躲在我的世界